Things That Are Weird: Part Three
- Opening your budget tracking sheet for the first time in six weeks and seeing a tab that says “DCIS Expenses” and it having a pretty short list of items, considering. And now there are two cancers so the tab name needs to change and the list of expenses is much longer
- Not wearing a bra in public. Weird but also so awesome.
- Having cancer and not hearing from the person you were married to for ten years.
- Your landlord stopping by and asking if you want to renew your lease and thinking, well I have to renew my lease because I have cancer—two cancers—and need another thirteen months of treatment if all goes according to plan, and we know how plans go, but I can’t tell you that because what if you freak out, but also I’m pretty sure there are legal protections around you kicking me out because of health reasons, but still keeping your mouth shut about that anyway and saying yes, I would like to renew (would I like to renew or do I have to renew?). Then him asking if you want to sign a year lease or go month to month and having a flashback to a day in early January when you had just one cancer you knew about and you asked ChatGPT, “How does one go about selling everything they own?” And how that was back when you really wanted a month-to-month lease because it might just be the end of the summer when you were done with treatment, at which point you could burn everything to the fucking ground and sell all your belongings. But then you found out about a second cancer and now you have to stay here for treatment and insurance, so maybe you renew for a year, but also maybe month to month because maybe you can leave at the end of March 2027 instead of the end of May 2027. But all you say to the landlord is, would month to month cost more, because that seems like the only reasonable thing to say out loud.
- Having symptoms alarming enough that you want to have bloodwork done even though needles are like your number one fear, tied with heights and abandonment. Apparently getting two cancers and divorced in one year is a great way to face your fears. Yay, growth opportunity. At least we’re not doing it on a literal ledge—just a metaphorical one. Small wins.
1 Comment
Wow Alli….i can’t imagine how busy your brain is. How the day to day issues need to be addressed but having much bigger crap to deal with.
I support your emotions, your very real fears, and overall YOU.
Sending love from Phil and me.